As I reflect on why I feel such a pull towards "sharing my story," I am brought back to a 15-year-old Elaine, my first time in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous - feeling naive, yet knowing that I hold a unique perspective being the youngest person in the room. The pull towards sharing my perspective has been there for quite some time, not just because I wanted to be heard, but I also felt that sharing my unique perspective opens up different perspectives for others. It was a collective pull to shifting perspectives, by being vulnerable - putting myself "on the line" for the idea of opening up a new way of thinking. I was asked to speak in a room with at least 60 adults, and while there was no hesitation to say "yes," standing in front of this large room, my voice wavered but my message was strong. I felt "purpose" and felt like I could make somewhat of a change in my life and those whom I shared with. Not long after, I was asked to speak at a convention, which is held annually, GreenLake RoundUp. This event has speakers and visitors from around the nation and is quite a big event. As a 15/16 yo, being the introductory speaker was extremely intimidating, yet again - despite the shaky voice, I managed to deliver a potent message.
I know there are so many people who feel they don't want to overshare, and I definitely know that I have been "unfriended" by people who like to stay within the realms of what people see as acceptable. And it is with that perspective that we have perpetuated the same illusion of separation, the same cycle of being "hushed" or shamed. However, it is within this opportunity that we are given a voice to reclaim our own empowered being. Once I learned to openly face the things that I never wanted people to know, I was free. No one could have "anything on me" if I was the one who brought this to light.
My speaking extended the walls of A.A. and into the rooms of high school. I was asked to share about abuse in teenage relationships and was asked to speak on substance abuse as a high schooler. Speaking among peers was more intimidating because this was a space I tried to fit in for most of my life, and baring my heart at that age to peers seemed more "in vain" than speaking to adults who were open to seeing things differently.
As my hairstyling career took off after high school - hearing the stories and complications of life that everyone held, that I was not alone in my struggles, this is where I began seeing that despite what I think, everyone has their own skeletons. Just because people "look the part" and look like they have their life together, most certainly does not hold true. Everything that held me back from being upfront about my struggles began dissolving because I saw that I was not alone.
As I entered into treatment in 2007, the power of storytelling began to come forward in my life.
I began speaking at youth groups for a church and for non-profit organizations. I had so many experiences that were powerful and quite eye-opening. The things that people heard about in books, I was able to share with the common person about the reality of the dark sides of life. I began feeling and knowing what empowered meant, and this began a new purpose for me. As I began Recovery Coaching and training, I began speaking to companies on how to incorporate Recovery Coaching into their business and why it is necessary to provide recovery coaching.
Reflecting on the progression of my voice, I recognize that what has fueled my openness was a vision of being able to share "the other side". I recognized that everyone and every situation has more truths than we perceive and that by opening up the dialogue, to have these conversations reminds us that Human life is messy. It was never meant to be clean and put together; there will always be hardships. It is how we come together and learn to use the dark times for creation and connection. By baring my heart, I not only liberate the beliefs and chains of my mind, but empower others who have a voice to share, to do the same.
This is why I see the Alchemy in vulnerability.
The change within oneSelf and within the collective is unmatched. By taking our dark and troubled times and turning into a message for others to feel connection, to feel inspired, to see another viewpoint, we learn that it is not only our perspective that changes, but how we treat one another can shift dramatically.
I am brought to a song by Joan Osborne "What if God were one of us" -
What if we're all an aspect of God in different bodies, wanting to share and experience all different perspectives on life? We Each hold a perspective of GodSelf.
In sharing our experience, we open up to sharing "God" in places that we have kept hidden. And this, to me, is where our true power lies.
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