top of page

Why Can't You Just Stop?






When looking to learn how to live differently, I continued to see that despite my efforts of just stopping behaviors and redirecting my focus, I did not actually change anything- i just suppressed the emotional need that was behind the behavior.

Every action we take, has an emotional "why" behind it. There is a reason why we act in the ways that we act, and for me I needed to acknowledge this to change the emotional response to my behaviors- because willpower does not heal the emotional aspects of our lives, it simply avoids the internal process to achieve what the mind thinks that it wants. When I have learned to follow the thread of a behavior, I can usually find what the emotional need is that I think the destructive or paralyzing behavior fulfills, quite often these patterns have been consistent throughout our lives, maybe expressing itself in a slightly different way, but the core of the action is the same.


Why Do Behaviors Persist?


The Purpose Behind Behaviors

Behaviors stick around because they serve a purpose in our lives. They might have started as coping mechanisms or even sources of fun and positivity. For example:

  • Stress Eating: It might have started as a way to cope with anxiety.

  • Procrastination: Could be a way to avoid tasks that cause discomfort or fear.

  • Social Media Addiction: Often serves as a means to escape reality and seek validation.

Until we uncover the role these behaviors play, we'll struggle to make lasting changes.


The New Year's Resolution Trap

We often set New Year's resolutions without addressing why we need to change a behavior. It's why these resolutions frequently fail. We aim to stop the behavior but don’t replace it with something that fulfills the same need. For instance:

  • If you want to stop stress eating, what will you do instead when you feel stressed?

  • When trying to cut down on social media, how will you cope with the need for social interaction?


Identifying the Root Cause

The Role of Self-Reflection

Before we can change a behavior, we need to understand why it exists in the first place. This requires deep self-reflection. Ask yourself:

  • What need does this behavior fulfill?

  • When did it start and why?

  • What triggers this behavior?

For example, if you find yourself procrastinating, is it because you fear failure? Understanding this can help you find more constructive ways to manage that fear.

Practical Methods

Here are some practical ways to identify the root cause of a behavior:

  1. Journaling: Write about your feelings and actions when you engage in the behavior.

  2. outside perspectives: Sometimes, an unbiased perspective can help you understand your actions better.

  3. Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices can help you become more aware of your triggers and needs.


Finding Healthier Alternatives

Replacing the Behavior

Once you've identified the role a behavior plays in your life, the next step is to find healthier ways to meet that need. For example:

  • Stress Management: Instead of stress eating, you could try exercise, meditation, or talking to a friend.

  • Social Interaction: If social media is your go-to for interaction, perhaps joining a club or attending social events can provide the same fulfillment.


Creating a Plan

To ensure lasting change, create a step-by-step plan:

  1. Identify Triggers: Know what situations or feelings trigger the behavior.

  2. Set Small Goals: Break down your ultimate goal into smaller, manageable steps.

  3. Seek Support: Inform friends or family about your goals so they can support you.

  4. Monitor Progress: Keep track of your progress and adjust your plan as needed.

"You cannot just change a behavior by stopping it. You need to address the reason why it started in the first place." – [Insert Author Name]

Lasting Change is Possible

Reflect and Adapt

Behavior change is a journey, not a destination. It requires continuous reflection and adaptation. As you grow and evolve, so will your needs and the strategies you use to meet them.

The Importance of Patience

Be patient with yourself. Change doesn't happen overnight. Celebrate small victories along the way and don't be too hard on yourself if you slip up.


FINAL THOUGHTS

Changing a behavior isn't as simple as just deciding to stop. To make lasting changes, we need to understand why the behavior started, identify the needs it's fulfilling, and find healthier ways to meet those needs. Through self-reflection, practical methods, and creating a detailed plan, we can achieve lasting change and improve our overall well-being.

Remember, the key to lasting change is addressing the why behind the behavior, not just the what. So, what behaviors are you trying to change, and how will you address the underlying needs?


If YOU WANT TO USE THIS CORE HEALING TRACKER THAT i CREATED,IT CAN HELP YOU IDENTIFY THE CORE NEED OF YOUR EMOTIONAL REACTION AND CAN GUIDE YOU INTO LEARNING YOUR PATTERNS MORE DIRECTLY- YOU CAN DOWNLOAD AND PRINT IT HERE:


core healing tracker
.pdf
Download PDF • 190KB

If you want to uncover more of healing generational patterns you can access my book HERE https://www.heartactivation.net/book


I want to thank you all for you Love and support and am wishing you a warm embrace,

Elaine

14 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page