You Are Not a Label: Beyond our Behaviors
Being faithful and losing trust in people isn't solely about the actions of others.
I have been on both sides of the pendulum swing and can feel for all the involved parties. There was a moment when I was nine months pregnant, timing contractions, only to receive unexpected phone calls from my partner's ex learning that I had been cheated on that whole pregnancy. I've also been the one responsible for causing harm in a relationships. My family history is filled with dysfunction, where faithfulness and trust in others were far from the norm. I say these things because I have played every role in this experience and I see that all perceptions and everything that we are taught about these hurts are not what they seem.
I comprehend that discussing this topic can be incredibly challenging. Therefore, I encourage you to move past your initial emotional reactions and delve into this complex issue with me. Anger is a very useful energy when used to make changes within- if pointed outwardly- this creates a continues cycle and by no means am I saying that what anybody "did" is OK- your feelings and experiences are valid AND I want you to be able to experience healing from these hurts and this is How I have learned.
Our upbringing often fails to teach us that being in love with life, learning to trust ourselves, and finding safety and security within our external relationships are entirely attainable. Instead, we're conditioned to believe that stability and security only come from external relationships, leading to early marriages and adult responsibilities.
Reflecting on the past, especially during Wars reveals how people were thrust into adulthood with significant responsibilities before they truly understood themselves or their individual interests. These unions were often based on survival and tribal bonds. Fortunately, modern generations are increasingly recognizing that these traditions no longer apply. They simply don't work that way anymore.
Examining divorce rates, infidelity statistics, and the rising numbers of addiction, suicides, and violent crimes, it's evident that our current approach is flawed. We may try to shield ourselves by numbing our emotions, building emotional walls, and proclaiming that the world is an untrustworthy place where everyone betrays us. However, I believe that true change begins when we confront our own fears and insecurities.
We tend to jump to conclusions, claiming we can't trust anyone and that everyone will ultimately let them down. I invite you to explore this further. When we learn to trust ourselves completely and embrace our journey, even with its stumbles, we discover that we are inherently Divine, unique, protected, and whole, independent of anyone else. This realization enables us to cultivate self-compassion and extend that compassion to others.
We start seeking to understand the root causes of our original pain. We begin to recognize that people enter relationships carrying old childhood wounds or insecurities. It becomes clear that individuals aren't intentionally hurting us; they're making choices driven by their fear of not being loved, having their emotional needs met, and avoid feelings of abandonment and rejection.
By placing so much power in others, we often feel that our world will crumble if they fail to fulfill our self-sabotaging beliefs regarding trust. Yet, as we learn to trust the process and identify childhood wounds within others, we begin making different choices. We refine our perspectives and our approach to navigating the world, learning to discern what aligns with our truth.
We come to understand that people aren't out to harm us just for the sake of it. This is where true healing occurs. We decide not to perpetuate anger and seek to heal generations of anger and codependency. We strive to break free from the belief that humanity is untrustworthy because if we continue to act on that belief, we will never discover a new way of living, perpetuating the same patterns in our reality.
Ultimately, it falls upon us to create a new path, to end this pattern. While it may not have started with us, it can certainly stop with us.