Why would we want to look to our past, when its something that we try to avoid?
I tend to see that life is about patterns. And how do we determine patterns? by looking to past events to understand the patterns that we occurring that you may not have noticed before. You know what they say- "hindsight is 20/20"
Hindsight refers to the understanding or perception of events or situations after they have occurred. It involves looking back and gaining insight into past events, often with a clearer understanding or awareness than was possible at the time of the events.(I had to look up what that actually meant- I just knew it the understanding of it).
When sharing my story in 12-step rooms, emphasizing my upbringing and background always felt crucial. I recognized that my upbringing wasn't the most typical, and some individuals believed that dwelling on the past was counterproductive and harmful. However, I sincerely believed that delving into my past was the key for me to comprehend how I arrived at my current situation. I finally took that process seriously after many, many failed attempts at all programs and treatments available in my community.
Recognizing that all my actions constituted addictive behavior—whether it was an addiction to exercise, vitamins, or self-help—I was always inclined to go to the extreme if it promised to make me feel, do, look, or be better. Substance use was a clear indicator of my struggles with addictive behaviors, a pattern prevalent in our society due to upbringing, at least from my perspective. So, how did we collectively reach this point?
Why are we navigating our lives in such a distracted state? Why has meditation become a widespread trend? Why is disease prevalence at an all-time high? The increasing discussion of trauma and the growing awareness and labeling of mental well-being conditions are not mere coincidences. As a society, we are starting to grasp the fundamentally unhealthy level at which we've been operating. Our Central Nervous Systems (which dictate our reactions to events) are beginning to shut down.
This process is undeniably beautiful—shedding light on various issues—and, despite the challenges, it signifies a crucial phase of healing and much-needed transformation.
As Peter Levine writes, "Trauma is about a loss of connection to ourselves, our families, and the world around us. This loss is hard to recognize because it happens slowly over time. We adapt to these subtle changes, sometimes without noticing them. As the lost connection gets internalized, it forges our view of reality. As we come to believe in the world we see through its cracked lens, it is sobering to realize that who we take ourselves to be and the way we habitually act, including many of our seeming strengths, the least and the most functional aspects of our normal selves are often, in part, the wages of traumatic loss. It may also be disconcerting for many of us to consider that, as happy and well-adjusted as we think ourselves to be, we may fall somewhere on the trauma spectrum, even if far from the Capital T Trauma."
---------------------"The Myth Of Normal" Dr. Gabor Mate and Daniel Mate
In my journey towards healing, a pivotal realization emerged—it became evident that we all inhabit a realm of pain and disconnection, each person's experience manifesting uniquely. Understanding the upbringing of our parents and the historical backdrop provides a foundation for a shared comprehension. How can one truly "thrive" emotionally when the echoes of wars aren't too distant? Breaking cycles and altering the genetic imprints for our descendants is said to require three generations, assuming we possess the knowledge to transform our responses and internal biological systems.
Taking a holistic approach that delves into the past, asking crucial questions, and engaging in challenging conversations, serves to release the grip of resentment and the belief that the world conspired against us. It opens up space to recognize that we are products of a society emotionally distant, a pattern perpetuated by our parents and grandparents who operated within the bounds of what they knew.
Your experiences remain entirely valid; in fact, they contribute rich layers to the process of healing and understanding the subtle intricacies of "why." If your mom emotionally neglected you, it likely established an attachment pattern leading you to seek unavailable partners who might have been, unfortunately, abusive. Now that we've identified the core of this pattern, we can explore its various facets.
Consider that your mom, the one who emotionally neglected you, might have endured emotional neglect from her own parents, possibly struggling to provide for the family while the father was away at war. Alternatively, she might have experienced abuse from her father, never learning how to fulfill her own needs. It's an encompassing acknowledgment that says, "Yes, I faced painful and sometimes abusive situations, AND it becomes clear that doing anything differently would have been nearly impossible with the teachings received." Every experience is valid, and each perspective is unique.
If you resonate with the idea of changing generational patterns, it suggests a deep conviction within you. Perhaps circumstances became so challenging or disheartening that you found yourself questioning, "What else can I do?"
Forging new paths is inherently difficult, and I believe you're here because choosing an easy path was not your inclination in this lifetime or dimensional reality. You've come to be a catalyst for change, to approach things differently, requiring a level of bravery to diverge from societal norms and instigate internal transformations that ripple into the external world.
This is precisely why delving into the past becomes significant. It's an act of courage and strength—acknowledging that you possess the fortitude to embark on a different journey.
And For that- I want to say Thank you. I Am Here with you.
To begin on this exploration, Here are some tools:
I independently published my book, which is SUCH a transformative tool. This is the HOW I navigated to opening up my heart and healing perceptions. It is All the tools that I have used and the thinking process connecting it all to be in a neutral, loving and compassionate place. I offer this as a program for $600 +, however you can get the book right on amazon.
Next Tool breaks down step by step, how to begin looking at things differently and begins the process of looking to our past and connecting our core beliefs, In the program linked below
"Survival Society to Self Love":
AND, If now is not your time to begin, that is completely okay- you will know when its time!
I have tons of free resources and Social Media Content that offers insights and awareness contemplations.
I Am so grateful to be here with you!!!